A few years ago, after a six-year relationship ended, I made a confessional post on Instagram that changed my life.
I wrote down every insecurity I had. Every bit of shame I was holding. Every part of me I didn’t love or want others to see.
I put it all out there.
It was vulnerable as hell, but it also came from a place of nothing to lose, so it didn’t actually feel edgy.
Because when a relationship ends, all the little lies you told to keep it alive—those disappear. If you’re a "nice guy" or a "good girl," you know this well.
You withhold your needs.
You keep quiet about mistakes.
You avoid speaking your truth.
Why? Because deep down, you fear that full honesty will end the relationship.
But when the relationship already ended, I had no reason to hide anymore.
The List of Shame
It started like this:
"All these aspects of myself, I don’t want others to see. Some bring me shame, others make me feel gross, weak, or unworthy. All of them make me feel like I’m not good enough."
And then, I listed everything.
Bloating
Weak chin
Small pinky toes
Dandruff
Using chat sites
Having my ribs go out
Fifty things in total. Every little thing I feared would make me unlovable.
But something crazy happened.
People flooded my DMs.
“Yo, me too.”
“Thank you for sharing this—I thought I was alone.”
Turns out, everything I was ashamed of was just… human.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that these imperfections make us unworthy. That they’ll get us abandoned, rejected, or ridiculed.
But when I exposed them, people felt more connected to me than ever before.
The Truth That Burns or Builds
This lesson resurfaced once again in my current relationship.
I had actions I wasn’t proud of. Shame crept in. I feared that if I told the truth, the relationship might end.
But this time, I refused to wait.
Because I want a relationship built on truth, not lies.
One of my favorite quotes by Mark Groves says:
“If a truth burns down a relationship, a family, a community, or a society, it was only ever held together by lies. And to that I say, let it burn. I never want to live in a world where our need for “comfort” supersedes our need to stand on a foundation only truth can provide. — Mark Groves
So you have to be willing to accept the possibility that your truth might burn it all down, but if it was build on lies did you even want it anyways… ouff.
The Most Unrelatable Thing in the World
Perfection.
Perfection is the most unrelatable quality a human can have.
On the flip side? Imperfection is what makes us human.
Yet, society tells us that being imperfect means:
Defective
Faulty
Flawed
Bad
No wonder we hide our true selves. I don’t want to be seen that way, nor see myself that way either!
But here’s the truth: Your imperfections are what connect you to everyone.
BUT if you keep your insecurities to yourself:
They will separate you from others.
They will make you feel isolated.
They will deepen your shame and loneliness.
That’s why being witnessed in your insecurities is the most fundamental step toward liberation.
This is what they meant when they said:
"The truth will set you free."
When you can share your true self with another, the messy, imperfect, human self… thats when these realizations set in. But only if you share it with someone who can meet you with love, empathy, and compassion.
Whatever you’re struggling with—you are not alone.
You are not broken.
We all deal with it in some way, shape, or form. We just don’t talk about it.
But it’s time we start talking about it.
I’m here to lead the conversation.
So let’s f*cking go.
Love you guys.
Ciao.
